


What Might Have Been

by donsboy



Category: CSI: NY
Genre: Angst, Broken Heart, F/M, M/M, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 08:55:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8006692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donsboy/pseuds/donsboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mac wonders about the outcome if he's done things differently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Might Have Been

Jackson was trying to wind up what had been a very long and trying day. He'd spent most of his work day dealing with irritated customers, and unreliable distributors. That coupled with the fact that his assistant was out sick had put Jackson in a foul mood. He was just about ready to close the shop for the day when he heard the chime above the door. He looked up to see Mac Taylor walking in the door. Jackson was relieved because Mac was a very easy customer to deal with, plus he was kinda hot! Mac walked up to the counter and said; “You look like you could use a drink......”

“I could use more than one!”

“Tough day?”

“I've seen better days for sure...... what can I do for you?”

“I'm looking for the Wes Montgomery album “Live From Monterey”...... you think you might have it?”

“I know for a fact that I do...... as a matter of fact, it's still sealed.....”

Jackson walked over to the Jazz section and pulled the LP from the rack. He walked back to the counter and handed it to Mac.Mac looked at the back cover for the song selections and found the song he was looking for. He told Jackson he would take it, so Jackson put it in a bag and handed it back to Mac......

“Are you serious, Jackson?”

“Sure! You've been a loyal customer and I'm just showing my appreciation......”

“I definitely appreciate it.....”

“No worries..... Hell, it's the least I could do for every dollar you've spent since you started shopping here.....”

The two men continued talking for a bit, then Mac said he needed to get going so Jackson could close the shop. He thanked Jackson again for the album and went on his way. Jackson closed up and headed home, looking forward to a relaxing evening alone........

 

When Mac got home, he opened his new LP and put it on the stereo. He fixed himself a drink and sat down in his recliner to relax and listen to the music. His thoughts turned to Jackson, and how he was starting to feel about him. They'd known each other for about seven years, first through the shop, and then there was the brief time when Jackson had dated Danny Messer. Jackson was always friendly when Mac visited his shop, and the two men had become friends. Once in a while they would have a beer, and that was it. Everything was strictly platonic. At least on Jackson's part. Mac's feeling toward Jackson were starting to deepen, but he didn't quite have the courage to say anything because he didn't want to take a chance on losing Jackson's friendship. Little did he know that he wasn't the only one who felt that way.

Jackson was getting ready for bed, and was wondering what Mac was doing at that moment. He thought that Mac was most likely listening to his new LP. Just thinking of Mac made Jackson tingle all over. His feelings for Mac were deeper than he let on, but that was because he didn't want to lose Mac as a customer at the shop, but more importantly, he didn't want to lose Mac as a friend. He had no idea how to handle the situation, and decided to just let things ride for now. As he was waiting for sleep to come, he sent up a silent prayer asking for a sign.

The next morning found Mac at a crime scene collecting evidence with Danny Messer and Sheldon Hawkes. Before Danny and Sheldon headed back to the lab, Mac asked Danny to catch up with him at some point because he had something he needed to talk to him. Danny looked at Mac questioningly, and Mac assured him that he wasn't in trouble but that he had a few questions about someone. Danny tried to find out who it was, but Mac gave nothing away. Later that afternoon, Mac was going over some reports when Danny knocked on his office door. Mac motioned him in, and got down to business.....

“Danny, the questions I need to ask you must be held in strict confidence.....”

“Okay..... what's going on?”

“There's someone I'm interested in, and you are the only one I can think of who knows the guy.....”

“And you want to pick my brain about him....”

“Exactly!”

“Who is it, Mac?”

“Jackson Welles.....”

Danny sat there for a moment, trying to process what Mac had just said. Danny always felt just a little bit guilty about the way things turned out between he and Jackson. Danny and Jackson had dated briefly just before Adam Ross had finally decided that he wanted what Danny had to offer. When Danny explained to Jackson that the guy he was waiting for had finally come to his senses, Jackson was a good sport about it and gave Danny his blessing. The guilt came in because Danny could tell that Jackson took the news harder than he let on. Danny was brought out of his reverie by Mac asking him about Jackson......

“What did you say, Mac?”

“I asked you what Jackson was like outside work.....”

“Jackson's just a regular guy, Mac.....”

“What do you mean?”

“He likes baseball, he likes to have a beer every now and then, he's a hard worker.... you know, things like that..... just a regular guy.....”

“So basically you're saying he's okay?”

“Yeah..... wait a minute..... you like him, don't you?”

Mac sat quietly, embarrassed that Danny figured it out. He took a deep breath and asked Danny not to say anything to anyone. Danny promised not to say anything, and headed to his office. Jackson really was a nice guy, and Mac deserved a guy like him. He sincerely hoped that things worked out for the two of them. Later that day, Mac called Jackson at his shop to ask if he would like to have a drink after work. Jackson said that sounded fine, and asked Mac where he wanted to meet. Mac replied that he was thinking about Sullivan's Pub. Jackson said that was fine with him, and Mac told him that he would meet him there as soon as he finished at the lab. Jackson hung up the phone and sat there thinking about Mac asking him out for a drink. If he were to be honest, he was glad Mac had taken the first step. To Jackson, that meant that maybe Mac was interested in him after all. He sure hoped that was true because it would make things much easier if the time came when he got to tell Mac how he felt. Jackson spent the rest of the day in anticipation.

Mac sat at the desk staring at the phone. He couldn't believe he'd worked up the nerve to ask Jackson out. Granted, it was only drinks after work, but it was a start. He thought about how he was always so calm and in control, and how the thought of Jackson made him feel like a school boy dealing with his first crush. Mac put the matter out out of his mind, and conentrated on his work. He made good progress and managed to leave the lab early. He arrived at Sullivan's arounf 7:15, ordered a beer, and took it to a booth to wait for Jackson. He was surprised to see Jackson walk inthebar at precicely 7:30 on the dot. Mac stood up and called to Jackson, waving his arm in the process. Jackson saw him, smiled and headed to the booth......

“Hey, Mac!”

“Jackson.....”

“Rough day?”

“Not too bad..... how was your day?”

“Hectic! People wanting to place special orders, orders getting mixed up, irate customers calling about their orders..... the usual! How about you?”

“We were able to close two cases. Danny and Stella closed the first one, and Don and I were able to get the confession we needed for the second case. So all in all, it was a good day.....”

“So you decided to have a drink to relax and celebrate a bit?”

“Something like that..... I also wanted some good company to have my drink with.....”

Mac looked slightly embarrassed when he said the part about good company. Jackson didn't say anything because he knew it took some courage to admit that. He just looked at Mac, winked , and continued the conversation. After they'd both had a few drinks, Mac noticed the time and stated that he was going to have to leave soon because the next day was a work day. Jackson said he knew exactly what Mac meant, so the two men decided to leave. When they got outside, Jackson offered Mac a lift home, but Mac declined, stating that the fresh air would do him good. He thanked Jackson for the offer. And as Jackson turned to get in his car, Mac caught his arm, spun him around, and kissed him. When they came up for air, all Jackson could say was; “Wow!”, and all Mac could say in reply was; “Yeah!” Mac turned to head up the sidewalk, looked over his shoulder and said; “I'll call you tomorrow.....”

 

Needless to say, Mac's kiss was all Jackson could think about on the drive back to his place. Who knew Mac Taylor was such a good kisser? Jackson could still feel Mac's hands on his cheeks as he held his head when he kissed him. Jackson could only imagine what it would be like to be held in Mac's arms, all that intensity focused on just him. When he got in bed, Jackson sent up a silent prayer of thanks for Mac giving him that kiss. Meanwhile, Mac was playing the kiss over and over in his head as he masturbated thinking about Jackson, and the feel of his soft, yeilding lips. Mac hadn't planned to kiss Jackson, but he got caught up in satisfying his curiosity. He whispered Jackson's name as he reached orgasm. He got up, tool a quick shower, and went to bed with Jackson still on his mind.

The next few weeks were busy for Mac. He had several cases going, and had little time for himself or for calling Jackson. He thought about the little guy a lot, but with his schedule like it was, there simply was no time to make contact. Jackson wondered what was going on with Mac. He hadn't seen or talked to him since the night the two had kissed in front of Sullivan's. Jackson figured that Mac must be busy, or else he would have called. He put the matter out of his mind, and concentrated on business at the shop. He was out running errands one afternoon when he happened to run into Danny Messer. The two talked for a few minutes, and Jackson asked about Mac. Danny explained that they had been extremely busy with back-to-back triple homicides, and told Jackson that was why Mac hadn't called him. Jackson nodded, and Danny told him that Mac had confided in him about liking Jackson.

A few days after Jackson had talked to Danny, Mac called Jackson at work. Jackson was surprised to hear from him and told him as much. Mac apologized for not calling sooner, and Jackson told him that Danny had filled him in on why Mac hadn't called. The two talked for a while, and Mac asked Jackson if he would like to have dinner with him that night. Jackson agreed, and Mac told him that he would pick him up at 8 o'clock. Jackson said that would be fine, and would see him then. Mac ended the call, and both men got back to work. Jackson was glad that Mac called, but he had a funny feeling something was wrong. As the day went on, that feeling stayed with him.....

 

When Jackson got home from the shop, he showered and dressed for his date with Mac. While he was waiting, that strange feeling from earlier came roaring back. Though Jackson couldn't put his finger on what was wrong, there was no doubt in his mind that something was up. Mac arrived nearly twenty minutes late, saying he had a few things to take care of. Jackson didn't comment because alarm bells kept going off in his head. The two men headed for the restaurant, making small talk on the way. During dinner, conversation was minimal. After dinner, Mac ordered coffee for he and Jackson, saying that they needed to talk......

“What's on your mind, Mac?”

“I haven't been totally honest with you.....”

“About what?”

“My true feelings.....”

“I don't understand.....”

“Okay..... here's the deal...... I have feelings for you, but I have feelings for someone else also.....”

“Is it someone I know?”

“I don't think so..... her name is Christine Whitney.....”

“I see.....”

Mac could tell he'd hurt Jackson with his revelation, but to his way of thinking, it was better to know the truth before things got out of hand. Yes, he wanted Jackson, but he wanted Christine, too. That's why he decided to come clean. He knew he would have to make a decision eventually, he just hoped he would make the right one......

“Jackson, are you okay?”

“What do you think, Mac?”

“That was a dumb question, huh?”

“That's putting it mildly..... “

Jackson stood up from the table and pushed his chair in, turned and walked out of the restaurant. He could hear Mac calling to him, but he kept walking. He stopped at a bodega and called a cab to take him home. When he arrived, he saw that Mac had maxed out his home phone answering machine, and had filled up his voice mail on his cell. He erased all the messages, got ready for bed, and cried himself to sleep. The next morning, his phone started ringing before his alarm went off. He just let it ring, knowing it was Mac on the other end. When the machine picked up, Jackson heard Mac's voice apologizing for the hundredth time. Jackson waited until Mac ended the call, then he erased the message.

Meanwhile, Mac was in a bit of a panic. He'd tried to call Jackson several times, but only got voice mail and answering machines. When Jackson had left the restaurant the night before, Mac knew he'd hurt the guy pretty badly. He wanted to talk to him and try to explain everything, and to let him know how sorry he was about the whole mess. He also wanted to tell Jackson that he didn't realize how much Jackson cared for him until it was too late. Mac honestly felt bad about the whole mess, and needed to tell Jackson so. He planned to go to Jackson's shop and see if he could talk to him......

 

Jackson was in his office going over some invoices when his shop manager Lisa tapped on the door and told him that Mac Taylor was there to see him. Jackson told her to send him in, thinking it best to get this all over with now instead of draggin it out. When Mac walked into the office, Jackson asked him to please close the door.....

“What can I do for you, Mac?”

“You can let me apologize for starters.....”

“I really don't need an apology.....”

“Jackson, I didn't realize your feelings for me had grown so deep so quickly......”

“Mac, a blind man could see how I felt! Maybe you were just too caught up balancing me and Christine to really notice.....”

“I guess I had that coming.....”

“You certainly did! Let me make this easy for you, Mac..... go to Christine.....”

“I don't understand.....”

“It's very simple..... I want nothing else to do with you. I can't be with someone I can't trust, and you have proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can't trust you at all!”

Jackson got up and walked to the office door. Mac stood from his chair and left the room. Jackson closed the door and sat at his desk, thinking about what had just taken place. Yes, he was hurt, yes, he wanted to run Mac Taylor's head through a wall, but he decided not to. He figured the best way to handle this would be to put Mac out of his mind, and get on with the business of living.

 

Days turned into weeks, and Jackson seemed to be doing okay until he saw Mac and Christine's wedding announcement in the newspaper. It kinda hurt, but Jackson knew it was for the best because he felt that he and Mac might not have been happy had they gotten together. He put the paper down and thought about calling Mac to offer his congratulations, then thought better of it. There was no need in bringing up old hurts and regrets. About that time, his phone rang, and he answered. Thankfully it was a customer wanting to place a special order.

About a month after Jackson read about Mac's announcement, he decided to have a drink one night after work. He stopped by Sullivan's, and realized he'd made a big mistake when he discovered he'd walked right into the middle of Mac's bachelor party. He was hoping to leave before anyone saw him, but that was not to be. Danny saw him and made his way over, and asked Jackson to join them. Jackson tried to beg off, but Danny insisted he drink at least one toast to Mac.

When Jackson joined the table, Mac happened to look up with surprise and a bit of hope in his eyes. Jackson was surprised to see this because he and Mac hadn't seen each other or spoken since Mac had revealed his feelings for Christine. Danny got Jackson a beer and made a tost to Mac and Christine. Jackson raised his beer bottle, took a couple of swallows, and got up to leave. Mac saw Jackson turn to go and got up to follow him. Jackson was standing outside, waiting to hail a cab when Mac walked up and touched Jackson on the arm. Jackson turned and saw Mac standing there......

“Mac, what are you doing out here?”

“I was hoping to talk to you before you left.....”

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

“Jackson, I feel really bad about the way things ended between us.....”

“There's no need to, Mac.....”

“Let me ask you something......”

“What's that?”

“Do you ever wonder how things would have played out between us?”

“No, I don't.....”

“You don't? Why not?”

“I try not to think about what might have been because we took different paths, and besides, we can't go back again. Mac, let's face it: there's no way to know what might have been.......”

Jackson hailed a cab, leaving Mac on the sidewalk. He gave the driver his address and settled in for the ride. Mac watched the cab drive away, and went back inside the bar with Jackson's words ringing in his ears.....

 

THE END


End file.
